i can tell you exactly what you need

you kids dont need your coffee. nor do you need an alarm clock. wake up to black metal. start your day off with Nargaroth, and I promise you, you will never need your coffee again.

digging the dancing queen

why is everyone a douche? why is everyone into casual sex? why is everyone into something serious? why is it all about extremes? im alll about extremes but theres a certain point where you realize its not healthy. and then you daydream. about whatever fucker you find attractive. sometimes its all about who you know. but i dont know the right people and i feel as if im in a bubble and noone quite understands, noone can relate. what can i do? noone understands except the psychopaths. and those guys are fucked. wheres the happy medium? nowhere. my friends are acrooss the GODDAMMN world!! Texas, Ukraine, cali, italy, israel. what about you? im talking about my best friends. im depressed about it. I never thought id have to make new friends but thats just what i have to do. im all alone. ive got a few people near but not even. whazt the fuck, is this high school.. why is everyone a FUCKIN SHIT? this isnt fair. and ive been eating way too many salads.. ....

i wanted to see how far i could go..

i mentioned in the last blog about a creative block. its true. for a while nothing was coming in or out. ive been stressed and bored. But i started reading Pinter again, drinking a bit less, watching kids in the hall, sleeping in a different part of my bed, playing monopoly, eating more cheese than ever before and trying to get more magnesium in my diet. its working. but im still stressed.

I had a panic attack in midtown manhattan. I decided to walk from my house all the way downtown. its a good 5-6 miles, i do it all the time but for some reason i freaked out and thought i wasnt getting enough oxygen. i went into a starbucks to calm down. it worked for a sec, but then started again as soon as i left. 40 fucking blocks of 'imgonnadieimgonnadie i cant-breathe' finally i got to a more familiar and less populated part of town and calmed down considerably. was fine for a while, then got into a crowded train and freaked out again, everyone stunk and was too close to me and the b.o was intoxicating and polluting my lungs. once i left, i was fine again. Now i have to go back downtown. hopefully it wont be a repeat of the other day.

Yesterday was awesomeeee though. me and paul got drunk up in a tree. it was the first good drunk ive had in a while. We were in a garden geting drunk in a tree with some weird mellow spanish music playing in the backround and bunny rabbits hopping around and ducks quacking away. amazing. Then i woke up this morning with a North Shore phone number written on my arm.. in lipstick. ahahhaajaha

testing..

I want this to be the situation with me.

whatever happened to da petes?

adventures of pete and pete petes. Older pete is a bike lovin crust punk. and younger pete is a drug dealer. if you need him, he can be seen around the bowery carrying a backpack full of drugs. if you flatter him with compliments about the show, he just might try and sell you some drugs on the spot. and if your reaaal nice to him, he might buy your friends a round of drinks and give you a copy of his jam band's cd...just make sure you stay for the drinks and not just leave and drunkenly fling his cd into the street.. like i did.

forgetting to wear deoderant

after a while it doesnt even smell like b.o anymore. almost like burning rubber.. my pits are made of rubber maybe?