i mentioned in the last blog about a creative block. its true. for a while nothing was coming in or out. ive been stressed and bored. But i started reading Pinter again, drinking a bit less, watching kids in the hall, sleeping in a different part of my bed, playing monopoly, eating more cheese than ever before and trying to get more magnesium in my diet. its working. but im still stressed.
I had a panic attack in midtown manhattan. I decided to walk from my house all the way downtown. its a good 5-6 miles, i do it all the time but for some reason i freaked out and thought i wasnt getting enough oxygen. i went into a starbucks to calm down. it worked for a sec, but then started again as soon as i left. 40 fucking blocks of 'imgonnadieimgonnadie i cant-breathe' finally i got to a more familiar and less populated part of town and calmed down considerably. was fine for a while, then got into a crowded train and freaked out again, everyone stunk and was too close to me and the b.o was intoxicating and polluting my lungs. once i left, i was fine again. Now i have to go back downtown. hopefully it wont be a repeat of the other day.
Yesterday was awesomeeee though. me and paul got drunk up in a tree. it was the first good drunk ive had in a while. We were in a garden geting drunk in a tree with some weird mellow spanish music playing in the backround and bunny rabbits hopping around and ducks quacking away. amazing. Then i woke up this morning with a North Shore phone number written on my arm.. in lipstick. ahahhaajaha
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